I’ve had one MRI. The next one, scheduled for next Monday, is to see if the tumor in my back’s gotten bigger. Finger’s crossed. I haven’t gotten the results from Yesterday’s MRI. This waiting and worrying is difficult, but I’m doing my best and the best I can do is keep busy. I’m almost ready to send Sister World, Terah to my beta readers, then the professional editor.
I’ll be there, I hope to see you.
I’m going to talk about recent events, but first I have to start with my past.
When I was in grammar school, I told my mother there was a thing, remember I was a kid, on my palet that got in the way of my chewing. It turned out to be a benign tumor. The surgery was quick, followed by a fast recovery. Accept for my falling in love with the idea of becoming a nurse I would have forgotten all about it. In 1978, the year I got married, I started having trouble walking. My shoes were suddenly too tight. I had an aggressive, non cancerous tumor going around my index toe, that is its name. The removal was more difficult than expected because the tumor had completely encircled the toe. I was lucky not to have any side effects. Then came the brain tumor. My son was four and it was located in the right temporal lobe. I was offered the option of watching it or surgery. I opted for surgery. At that time there were only a handful of surgeons who operated on that section of the brain. I went to Dr. Spenser of Yale New Haven hospital, the third best brain surgeon in the world. He removed it. I won’t go into the surgical details only to say it’s amazing I can talk, chew and see. It did have a side effect. You don’t need to hear about them either. Fourteen years later, checking into my frequent nausea, the doctors found a tumor in the base of my spine. Offered the option of watching it or have surgery; thinking it wouldn’t kill me to watch and surgery might stop me from walking, I chose to watch. A couple of weeks ago I went to see my present doctor. Here begins this years fun. My pancreatic enzyme levels are high. On my fathers side, his mother died of pancreatitis, her mother from diabetes. A cat scan to get a look at my pancreas revealed what was thought to be a tumor, that turned out to be only a cyst, I’m really not one hundred percent certain that’s any better. We’re watching this one. It also revealed that the tumor in my back has grown. The high enzyme levels are normal for me( I would have died by now if they weren’t), so I have to live with the frequent nausea I’ve had for a far back as I remember. I’m now faced with another big decision. Do I get the surgery I was afraid to have, now when I’m fourteen years older? Walking, and hiking are my two favorite things, after writing that is. Being stuck in a wheel chair would just about kill me, but for you my faithful readers, I just might have the time to write more stories. Maybe the next one should be about a person whose consumed by tumors.
One thing about growing older is if you worked hard and was careful with the money you made, you can take a few vacations. I just returned from the Mayan Riviera. Most people would say I went to Cancun though I’ve never seen the city. We go to the Moon Palace, an all inclusive, I’m glad to say I’ve never been disappointed. The beach sand is different than the beach sand of New England. I love to walk shoeless along the beach knowing my feet won’t burn. I watched the birds, smaller than my fist, and I’m a small person. They played with the tide, digging for food when it rolled out, running away as the waves once again crashed against the shore. It reminded me of how we spend so much time crashing into the waves life throws our way. Some of us run. Others stand still, fighting a future we can’t change and others work with the water hoping to make the waves wash away past hurts to bring a better world for those who will follow. I’ve run. I’ve stood still, feeling the water break around my toes only to see it return unchanged as I step away. Now I walk into the crashing waves, floating on its roiling surface, hoping my movements help the children playing on the shore. I hope their sand castles last longer than those I made. I can’t fix the past, neither can I determine the future, but with each step into the sea, I can make a difference. It may be a difference only one child will feel, but to that child it may be the difference giving her or him, or them, a life worth living. In my books I try to show how our decisions, even those that seem inconsequential, can make a difference.
It’s hard to say goodbye to characters/people you love. Though it’s been a long time, the journey has been worth the time invested. It will be difficult to say goodbye to Kahill, Peter, Becarra and Rebecca but mostly to Spirit and all the animals I’ve tried to represent. As an ambassador, I hope I haven’t failed to represent the world of those who don’t speak the languages we speak. Mere words can’t convey what a simple swish of a tail can. We take them, the beauty of a tree reaching to the heavens, as something to be expected. In my heart I know we don’t see the forest for the trees. I believe they are meant to remind us of our place. The world is larger than we imagine. A long time ago a child lay upon a boulder sitting in the woods outside her house imagining she was sailing on a ship to places where others didn’t care how expensive her cloths were. A chid who thought her sister was the strongest person on earth, her father the tallest, bravest man she would ever meet. This child couldn’t imagine a safer place than her mother’s arms. I knew with out doubt my dog would die in my defense, and I in his. I did try, but that is another story. Difficult as the concept is, I believe we are but a small part of the world we see as ours. I hope when you read the books I’ve written you see yourself in the girl, remember those who made life less difficult and those who made you feel safe. Sister World, three is coming. With my friends you’re safe.
It’s almost time to watch out how we date our correspondence. I’d say checks but less people use them now. Just remember that on this coming Sunday it’ll be 2023. You might remember, then again you might be too young, how we were told the world would end when the new century began. We’re still here. Our computers didn’t lock up, the ICBM’s didn’t fly and all the other date sensitive things worked Just as well the day after New Years Eve as they did the day before. We had time to prepare, plan and make needed changes.
It’s taken me time to prepare, plan and create Terah, to introduce those you’ve come to know to those living on this new world, that you have yet to meet. Though Terah exists only on the pages of my book, I want you to feel, you’ve taken the journey, joined me, Kahill, Becarra, Peter and Becky as we create the last chapters of Sister World.
To those both local and those within an hours drive, I’m once again inviting you to come to the Exeter Craft sale. I’ll be there along with some very excellent crafters. That’s my reminder.
For those waiting for the third and final installment of my Sister World trilogy, all I can say is I’m working as hard as I can. I’m also reminding myself that writing is a passion not a job. I love words. I always have. I love speaking through my characters. What they say is what I hope to pass on to those who enjoy my stories, grow to love or hate the people I help create. I only help create them, they’re walking beside us every day. Though I put those I write about in places I would not willingly go, they are still people I know, love, hate or wish to be. Sometimes, I’m still sitting on my mother’s lap learning about the world from the books she read to me. Other times I’m watching those around me, wishing I could be them, finally learning many wish they could be me. It’s been quite a journey and as the journey continues, I hope to take you with me.
Dark Night of the Soul introduces us to a man, taken as a boy, who is fighting for more than his life. Marcus, looking at the woman offering her love, has a difficult choice, one that brings all that he is, was and could become into question. Will he choose passion and love over a nearly all consuming hunger for blood. It’s a question he must answer and there are only moments to choose.
It’s coming faster than you might think. Time to plan your day and mark it on your calendar. Many of RI’s best authors will be there, signing and selling their books. Books make great gifts even if they’re for yourself. Come visit me at table 37.
Padma Venkatraman will be the featured author.
I was interviewed by Max Bowen of Citywide Blackout Interviews along with Keith Carreio, and Evelyn Audet. Below is the link to the interviews.
For a number of reasons, this past weekend will always be special to me. One reason is I was with my fellow authors. They made each hour fun. Another was sharing my table with Keith Carreiro, who is not only a great author but also someone who helped me and made me laugh. My son and husband came to assist. I’m very happy to say they helped me set up and brought me food(that’s a big deal). I also sold the entire collection of both my Darkness and Light and Sister World series, twice. I met my editor, face to face, and I did a lot of laughing. Many people signed up for my quarterly newsletter and I was interviewed by Max Bowen, who besides making me laugh, helped me express myself better than I ever have. My first novel has so many messages, so much a part of what I feel is in those pages and he brought out what it means to me. I’ll be posting the link to in the next few days. One of the best things was when a woman came to my table, saying she was looking for me. Last year she bought Dark Night of The Soul and now she wanted to buy the rest of the series. There is no greater compliment. Having record sales capped off a great weekend. Look for me and the many authors making up the Association of RI Authors at our 10th annual author expo December 3rd at the Crowne Plaza Ballroom, Warwick, RI. Free parking, no entrance fee, lots of authors and Santa Claus will be waiting for you.
Debra Zannelli Author 