Tag: mental-health

AUDIO BOOKS

by debrazauthor

Submitted.

OMG, I’ve done it. All the files, covers and details for my audio book are complete. I watched my pocketbook shrink, but this feeling is priceless. Having Dark Night Of The Soul recognized by the American Legacy awards is a really big deal to me. My heart and soul went into every page. I told my 7th grade English teacher that I wanted to be a writer. It took 42 years, a close encounter with death and many life changing moments to make that dream come true. Mrs. Lanoue, if you read this, I’ve never forgotten you. Sometimes I wonder what the 17 year old me would say to me, what would I say to her. Would she tell me to follow my friends and go to California. Jeffrey, a very talented musician, sexy too, invited to be the lead singer in his band. Obviously I didn’t go. Was this a missed opportunity, a chance to follow my other dreams, or a lucky escape from unknown dangers? What would I tell me when I was making that decision? Would I tell her to avoid the people and things that hurt me? Even now, approaching 70, I can say that avoiding the things that came as I aged, may have lead me to things far worse. Unanswerable questions will always be unanswered. I don’t think there’s one clear path, there is only the one we choose.

I have to get back to my books. All my characters faced difficult choices. I had them make the choices that I hope I would have made. Life has a way of sneaking into our art. Now for the somewhat funny moment. The other choices my characters could have made would have made for very boring books.

There are so many things I could say. The things that hurt me blessed me in ways I didn’t expect. Being poor made me realize how little value money has. Thinking I wouldn’t wake up, made me realize how much I wanted to look into my husband, my babies face meant to me. Taking many years to have my son, made me learn that all children are ours. Facing possible death taught me how strong I am. When I held my child in my arms I learned the value of life. Some say it takes almost losing your life to learn how to live. For me, it did. We are temporary. Live your best life, even when it hurts. And today smile for me. You can never have enough smiles.

Being Me

by debrazauthor

I imagine everyone has a time in their life when they wonder what happened to the person they thought they would be. We lose some of ourselves, between trying to meld our life to another’s and changing to meet the demands of the reality we face when we’re no longer wide eyed, ready to take on the world children. We discover ourselves as we grow but mostly we discover ourselves when we’re grown. I didn’t become the famous singer I had hoped to. Neither did I become a successful author, though I’m still trying. Publishing the first book took many years but brought me more joy than a single post can express. In that first book, I stripped Marcus of all his hopes and expectations. In their place I gave him a fierce strength to become, as much as he could, the man he had once hoped to be. I think this is something many of us do. There are some successes and of course, failures. A failure doesn’t mean you should give up, it means you need to find another way forward, if only one small step at a time. The Long Road Back to me is the short story I wrote and am proud to say was published in the ARIA anthology Rhode Trip. Though it’s fiction, I think everyone can identify with the feelings contained in the story. I’m including an excerpt, hoping you’ll enjoy it, but also hoping you’ll check out the anthology. I’m only one of many authors and all are deserving of the time it will take you to read their stories.

The Long Walk Back to Me

by Debra Zannelli

It’s the smallest state, only forty eight miles across, only forty three for me, still I think the crossing will take me years. I wonder if two days will be long enough when I have a lifetime of things to think about, things I should have thought about a long time ago. I’m leaving for good though it’s hard to believe. I’m walking because everything I have is his and though I could take some things with me, I don’t want any of it. I hocked the diamond on my way to work. The manager of the store across the street from the bank where I worked, took it without asking any questions. My boss had lots of questions. I told her I wasn’t staying, and wouldn’t be coming back. I’m not burning bridges, I’m destroying them. Before I left, I closed out my checking and savings accounts and emptied our vacation account. The money won’t buy me a new life but it’s a down payment.