Month: July 2025

This is what I hoped I’d become. First there was the singer. I was sure Barbra Streisand would love me. Believe it or not, I really could sing, but now my voice has aged. I’ve written songs that will never be played. I have a rather limited knowledge of notes and timing needed for writing music down- self taught-so I developed my own method of writing my songs down, this means they’ll die with me. Jeffrey, if you read this, I have often wondered what would have happened had I joined your band and headed to California. You wanted me to be the lead singer, I was afraid of failing. Then there was the dream of being an author. I had so many things I wanted to talk about and no one to talk to so I made up stories that sat in the back of my closet, most still do. For a while I wanted to be a free spirit with no ties tethering me to the dirt I would one day be buried under. My best friend and I planned on taking the money we earned working after school, to buy motorcycles and head out. She decided to stay home, go to college and take care of her family. I choose to go to college, become a nurse and marry my new boyfriend over the open road, but since there’s no way a person my size could ride anything bigger than a scooter, and we’ve been married now for many,- I’m not telling- years that was the right choice. Nursing wasn’t for me, so I got my degree in business management, once again putting my writing aside. At least I got to sing in the chorus, then the choir and finally at weddings. I loved it, but I stilI wanted to be a famous author. I finally left the free spirit thing completely go, deciding that now that I was a wife I might as well be a mother. It took a long time, but in that I finally succeeded, so maybe that was what I was meant to become. I’ve never stopped wanting to see everything, know where every road goes, see the miracle of life in all its guises. I still do. Later I became obsessed with staying alive. The Headaches making me wish I’d die didn’t change this. Survival only increased my desire to write. I still wanted to be a famous author. I still poured out my soul in my poems and characters, so I settled for being an author. But the dream never dies.